Part 1

Wise as Serpents; Harmless as Doves

After a summer hiatus, I’m back. My recent newsletter Effective Leaders: Relationship Masters received such positive feedback that I’m delivering a short, bi-weekly series going into the “Relationship Master” in more depth.

Here are the key takeaways from the initial newsletter:

• Truly effective leaders learn how to successfully navigate the murky waters of professional relationships; they know that it’s a must
• But even the smartest leaders are not prepared for the emotional side of business relationships. Humans aren’t machines. We’re a complex mix of body, mind, emotions and spirit
• Instinct alone will not be sufficient to manage these complex relationships successfully; they will require careful, deliberate thought and action
• Managing one’s self is the first priority when navigating relationships; it’s not about fixing others.

So then, what is a “relationship master?” I define it as:

Someone who can sustain positive, authentic, effective interactions with people through whom they must conduct successful business transactions in order to achieve desired outcomes.

Let’s pick this apart:

Sustainable: We’re typically in the long-haul with people that we work with; we will conduct multiple transactions with them over time. The relationships that we build must be such that they’re enduring (in other words people want to keep working with us) and profitable over time.

Positive: A leader has the responsibility to ensure that their professional relationships are minimally courteous and respectful. (We all should have learned that in kindergarten.) I’m not saying, necessarily, that we have to like the person. But we must be able to lay the foundation of an overarching positive tone versus the often negative and edgy one. This is basic common sense.

Authentic: Being “nice” is not my objective here. (Although it does help.) Genuine, effective relationships are marked by truth-telling. People who really care about each other and/or the business that they’re conducting, will state their positions frankly. They will do it, however, in a calm, non-anxious manner that “puts it out there” but doesn’t needlessly incite emotional reactivity in the other person. The truth is told and the other person is respected both in 1)the content of the conversation and 2) the manner that it’s delivered.

Effective: The minimal goal of a professional relationship is, again, to achieve a specific desired business outcome through interactions with someone else. To quote leading executive coach, Marshall Goldsmith, in What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, developing effective interpersonal skills “…is the best way to enlist people as our allies—which in the long run is a much more promising success strategy than defending behaviors that alienate people.” (p.41)

Bottom-line….leadership assumes the reality of things effectively getting done through others. So let’s be smart about it. Why not be as “wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” It may very well be sound business.