Does work ever get emotional? You bet! Many of us would like to think that we are always at our rational best when we’re on the job. But emotional reactivity (which takes various forms) is far more prevalent than we realize and it can significantly hinder communication, collaboration, and ultimately, work productivity.

The reality is that when we form into any kind of group (i.e. family, religious, work teams) a natural emotional bond is developed very quickly. And this isn’t just a human phenomena, it’s a living organism phenomena. These “circuits” are then created for group members to begin playing off of each other, or automatically reacting to each other, for better or for worse.

Why is this important? It’s critical because when we’re knee-deep in our group dynamics, predictable, automatic reactive patterns can sometimes kick in with a vengeance rendering us “user-unfriendly”. And these often limit our ability to choose the best deliberate response, especially under stress! So, it serves us well to get acquainted with these dynamics.

So what are these common automatic tendencies?

1. Fusion – the inclination to identify strongly with and please the group; unwillingness to state one’s beliefs or opinions; management-by-consensus; group-think
2. Conflict – the tendency to go for “the jugular”; moving toward someone or something verbally or physically
3. Distancing and Cutting-Off – moving away from someone or something; conflict aversion; sometimes leads to total separation, emotionally or physically
4. Over Functioning – The tendency to take over; do for someone what they could do for themselves; micro-manage; get to “deep into the weeds”
5. Under-Functioning – The tendency to let others take over; paralysis; inability to make decisions and take action
6. Triangling – Pulling in a third person or entity if the dynamic between two people becomes stressful; gossip is a great example

Too often we get caught up in one or several of these automatic, one-size-fits-all responses.

One of my primary goals as a coach is to help people calm down and become more objective about these behaviors so that they choose the best response for the situation
. So I’ll explore these in more detail in coming posts.

But for now, here are several action items:

1. Become a student of the system. Start watching to see what reactive tendencies you observe in your groups.
2. Become a student of yourself! Most importantly, start watching your own reactive tendencies. How automatic are they? Can you pick them up and put them down at will? Do they give you the outcome you’re looking for?

Next time I’ll talk about “fusion” and the tendency toward too much group. In the mean time – start observing!

Read Part 2 HERE